Be prepared, clubbing is back.
They say that the best nights are the ones you don’t remember. It’s safe to say that we haven’t had a lot of nights like that in recent times. I am craving a chance to forget pretty much every single night since mid-January – especially since they have all consisted of laying around in my pjs, watching repeats of First Dates, and trying to balance a tube of Pringles on my ever-expanding stomach. I need to, like, forget about that ASAP.
Luckily, the world is opening again, and nightclubs will hopefully be opening up their doors in June to everybody that has been yearning for a night of sambuca shots and twerking against your mates to Rihanna in a dark, sweaty room. That’s why I’m bringing you our top ten clubs (in no particular order!) within the M25, to dust off your heels and precarious sense of dignity for, and dance the night away.
1. Fabric
I thought I’d start with a classic, and Fabric counts as just that, an absolute classic of the genre. What has kept Fabric going over the years is that it has always remained a club conceived by people that go to clubs, for people that go to clubs. A unique feature of the club is the vibrating floor in Room One. Known as a "bodysonic" dancefloor, sections of the floors are attached to 450 bass transducers which emit bass frequencies, allowing clubbers to feel the music through low-end frequencies. This place is unique, and we can’t see why you wouldn’t wanna check it out.
Pick up tickets here.
2. Five Miles
I’m a sucker for an industrial vibe. I don’t know what it is about bare walls, metallic tubing, and the sense that a strong wind would blow the whole venue down, but I’m here for it. Five Miles in Tottenham is a little far from my usual south London haunts, but honestly, it’s worth venturing a little further afield for. Five Miles pulls in people from across the capital – mostly hardcore ravers – but they do some banging middle Eastern cuisine during daylight hours if that’s more your vibe.
See here for more.
3. The Pickle Factory
The Pickle Factory doesn’t even have to try, that’s how cool this venue is. They barely even have an online presence, that’s how much they don’t care. You should probably care though because this club throws the best parties. Get this – on July 10th, The Pickle Factory are hosting a triple venue day and night party. That’s right, you’ll have free range of Oval Space, The Pickle Factory, and Canvas, from 16:00 till 6:00! If that’s not enough to get you excited, I don’t know what is.
Check it out now.
4. Ministry of Sound
Inspired by New York’s cavernous house venues, Ministry of Sound found its home in a derelict bus garage just south of the river. Ministry of Sound was the first club in London dedicated to house music, and over the past 30 years they have finessed their formula down to only the purest house and techno music around. Spilt over multiple floors, this is another club where – just like Fabric to the east – you really are spoilt for choice, with four whole different rooms! The first few club nights are, unsurprisingly, already sold out but tickets for the 2nd July are still up for grabs.
Go book right now.
5. Village Underground
This place does what it says on the tin. Another warehouse venue, Village Underground is part club, part creative community, part creative arts venue. Tucked away in Shoreditch, this venue really does feel like a ‘village’. Plus, it really is ‘underground’. You’ll have a hard time finding this place, unless you’re one of those people ‘in the know’. This venue has also been hit pretty hard by the pandemic, so it could really do with our help.
Pre-book here.
6. Electric Brixton
Did you know that this place is named after Electric Avenue, a lane in the heart of Brixton made famous by Eddy Grant’s chart-topping 1983 hit of the same name? The more you know, and all that. This is a classic venue that brings back some great memories. I spent a lot of time around the Clapham/Brixton area as a student, and Electric Brixton was always top of my list of places to check out on a Saturday night. Part live-music venue, part late-night clubbing hotspot, this place will keep you entertained for hours.
Check it out now.
7. Inferno’s
Inferno’s may seem like the punchline to a bad joke, but this place has gained cult status over the years. Did you know that even Margot Robbie is a fan? I mean, what other clubs can you name that have been given a shoutout by one of Hollywood’s most famous actors?! With karaoke machines, cheesy 80s nights, and the kind of vibe where you just feel like anything could happen, there’s a kind of nostalgic pleasure at Inferno’s that is so easy to fall for.
Check it more here.
8. Heaven
Heaven is the oldest club on this list, and it is one of the few clubs in the world to have truly reached legendary status. It all began in 1979, this place has seen it all over the years – and I do not use this phrase lightly. It’s also featured in numerous films and songs over the years, and frequented by everybody from David Bowie to Cher to Boy George. Doors swing open on themed club nights each week, ranging from Popcorn on Monday to Camp Attack on Friday. The club was even the first to host a gay marriage in 2019! Truly an inclusive and iconic venue.
Find out for yourself here.
9. Cargo
Cargo is the epitome of Shoreditch cool. If you're looking for late night vibes in Shoreditch, Cargo is your place. Live music is truly this place’s forte, but when the sun is shining, the decked garden with a BBQ is equally as inviting on a hot sunny day when it feels like the whole of east London is out. There are club nights every day of the week in this place, and we can’t wait to check it out post-lockdown.
Click here for deets.
10. XOYO
You didn’t think I was gonna do a top ten club night without giving this place a mention, did you?! After having a complete makeover ten years ago, XOYO dominates Shoreditch on a Saturday night, with their endless DJ nights and their Pleasurehood events where events are only £5 (!!!), and the emphasis is all on the drinking. This is definitely a place where it’s all about the music. XOYO is what all other venues in Shoreditch aspire to.
Find out more here.
I hope you have enjoyed this journey across greater London, and I hope you’ve spotted a great club night to drag your mates along to. Until one of you inevitably vomits in the bathroom, and you end up in the back of a cab trying to convince your Uber driver that your friend isn’t going to vomit all the way down the passenger window.
Words by Rebecca Clayton